April 01, 2004, 10:33 PM

I'm Glad The Chron Thinks It's Funny

By Kevin Whited

It's one thing for us bloggers to make light of METRO's Danger Train.

It's another thing for the city's major daily newspaper to make light of all the accidents:

Police reports for the first 25 vehicle accidents involving the Metro light rail reveal only one fact for certain: Aries are the safest drivers.

The collisions began Nov. 19 although the light-rail system didn't open to the public until Jan. 1. The list keeps growing — it hit 31 Monday — but this roundup focuses on the 25 pioneers, a diverse group.

Officers don't ask for drivers' horoscope signs, but a check of birth dates reveals no Aries among the crashers. But it seems Geminis like to drive on the wild side.

There are two Marys and a Maria in the stack of police reports. Also, contrary to water-cooler speculation, there's only one guy with the middle name Wayne. But there's also one named Dwayne, and everyone knows that a Dwayne is worth five Waynes.

A couple of errant drivers pulled out of driveways into the trains and someone ran a red light, but most of the crashes were due to illegal left turns. Repeat: illegal left turns.

Metro spokesman Ken Connaughton definitely sees a pattern: “People aren't paying attention.”

That bit of genius was written by someone named Lana Berkowitz, who goes on and on with such nonsense. I'm glad she's so amused by it all. I wonder if there will be so much frivolity at the Comical when the choo choo finally kills someone?

Seriously, does anybody edit that awful paper? (rhetorical question, no need to answer)

A version of this post originally appeared at PubliusTX.net.

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